Consent is Key: Spanking

Spanking is a very broad term that fits under the even broader term of impact play. Our definition of Impact Play is:
When one individual uses something to create an impact with another individuals body, for the sake of enthusiastically consensual pleasure purposes.
Yes, that's a very bland definition but that definition has a very key part to it. Can you guess which part is the most important part of it?

Yep, you're right, 

enthusiastically consensual pleasure purposes

is the most important part of that definition, and actually it's the most important part of any kink definition. Everything we do in kink needs to be consensual. All of it, every single thing. Now, consent can mean having a conversation ahead of time and agreeing to certain things in the future that don't require consent before it happens again, but that conversation NEEDS to be had.

If you are getting into a relationship that will include impact play, you need to sit down with your partner(s) and discuss what is and isn't allowed ahead of time. Like for me and my pet, we sat down and discussed what kind of impact is okay with no prior warning, and what things need to be mentioned before doing. She is okay with me randomly spanking her, or pinning her against a wall and kissing her, or other things along those lines. However, she is not okay with it in front of family, and she reserves the right at any time to tell me that it's a bad day and that it is off limits for the day. That is consent. That is communication and discussion about what is and isn't okay for her and for myself. That is what I am talking about.

Even if you have a relationship that is master/slave in nature, and you are the master, you still need to respect your submissive on their boundaries and make sure you have gained consent. No one is your personal property to the point of ignoring their consent. You may think you know what is best for them or what they will like, but if you do it after they have said no, or without verifying they are willing to try it, then that is abusing your power, and that is wrong. Pushing and coercing them till they finally give in and give consent is wrong as well. Consent given out of pressure is not actual consent.

Now I am not saying you can never ask for something again after they have said no, it's all about HOW you go about asking for that consent. Don't badger them, don't pressure them, and have a conversation. Explain what you want to do, why you want to do it, how you will want to do it, and how it will affect them. Give all the details you can. If they still don't want to, you have to accept that and move on. Let them know that you may be asking again at a future date, and that you are still interested, but that you will not do it without their consent.

I know, consent is a big key word right now in the world, and it seems like a lot of hassle to have all these conversations about stuff instead of just diving in and giving it all a try. I know, it's frustrating and seems like it will kill the whole mood of what you're trying to do. However, there is no better feeling than going into a scene or new relationship already knowing what is and isn't okay. The freedom you have to just enjoy yourself rather than always having that voice in the back of your head wondering if it's okay or not to do something is incredible.

Oh, and one more thing, do not EVER be afraid to speak up and remove consent for something, whether you're the Dom or the Sub. Just because you gave consent for something, doesn't mean you can't change your mind later on about it and remove the consent. You may have enjoyed the thought or idea of the thing, or even enjoyed the thing, and over time decided it really wasn't for you, or you just don't want to do it anymore. That's okay!!! Being able to remove your consent is just as important as being able to give it.

If you find you are with someone who ignores consent, doesn't want to discuss it, or won't let you remove it at a later date, you are with an abuser, not in a relationship. Your partners biggest concern should be making sure you are happy and healthy when you are with them. Just as you take care of them, they should be taking care of you. It they are not taking care of you, or are ignoring consent, that is NOT a healthy relationship and you should find a way to get out of that relationship. There is no reason to stay in a relationship with someone who does not respect you enough to give you the basic human decency of consent.

May you all have a wonderfully kinky day.